Song of the broken hearted
dalam diamku….Archive for December, 2007
I’m distracted
“Kamu gak nyari cewek lagi ta? biar ada yang ngurusin..”
Nggak tertarik. To be honest, I would like to wait until you find the one you’ve been searching for. The one that I knew it wasn’t me (and maybe never be me). I realize what I’m capable of, and what I’m not.
“Klo aq dah punya cowok lagi, apa kamu bakal ngejauhin aku ?”
Eventually, yes… to think of it, if you two were meant to be together, so what am I to stand between?
“Tapi km bakal tetap ada buat aku khan?”
I’ll tried my best, tapi.. apa itu adil buat cowok km? saat km butuh someone dimana cowok km lagi gak bisa, aq bisa aja ngisi “kekosongan sementara” itu, tapi apa itu gak sama aja km dah ngehianatin dy? Meskipun aq berharap bakal terus ada buat km dan bisa ngisi hari-hari km…
Apa egois klo aq masih pengin deket sama km sementara aku berharap km bisa nemuin orang yg bisa kasih kamu perhatian lebih? perhatian yang gak pernah bisa aku kasih ke kamu karena alasan-alasan gak masuk akalku tentang semua kesibukan dan pekerjaanku, tentang ketidakjelasan masadepanku.
Apa egois klo aq masih sering ngerasa marah saad km mulai deked sama cowok lain?
Apa egois klo aq lagi butuh seseorang buat lepasin sedikit beban, lalu aq ngehubungin km? meskipun pada akhirnya aq gak pernah ceritain bebanku itu ke km…
Apa bener kata salah seorang temenq kalo aq ini terlalu naif, terlalu terpaku dengan idealismeku, apa aq bener” salah?!? apakah keberanian untuk mencintai tanpa keberanian untuk memiliki itu salah?!?
Hmh.. harusnya itulah yang aq bilang ke kamu. Tapi gak tahu kenapa, my mouth just can’t shout it loud.. my mouth just can’t whisper the words “Damn, I love you girl!”.
17th December 2007
Argh… sumpek sumpek sumpek!!! Kenapa seh gwa akhir” ini. I tried to let it flow… but seems like its getting harder to just let it all flowing …
Apa artinya kaki, bila kau tak berjalan
Apa artinya mata, bila tak tatap masa depan
Apa arti bermimpi, bila kau tak melangkah
Apa arti kesempatan, bila semua terlalu jelasBondan ft. Fade 2 Black – Ekspresikan
Yeah, I’ve been dreaming for too long.. way too long.
Hujan, lagi… confuse… lagi… argh, aku bener” gak ngerti. Terlintas dipikiranku soal kematanganku menghadapi hidup. I’m 20 now, and I’m still blabbering around about my past T.T
That small light I was talking about. Its finally coming. I can grasp its warmth, tapi disisi lain, I lost another light, cahaya kecil yang selama ini jadi cahaya paling terang dikehidupanku. I feel empty. Gak ngerti deh, bener-bener stuck. Ato aku aja yang terlalu larut. Duh bingung..!!
What the heck is going on with me…
Grey Sky
Whoa.. tidur pukul 21:15 dan terbangun pukul 03:45 pagi. There must be something wrong with me. Still down with that feeling, even its already 4 days left. Its the last thing on my thought when I was about to go to sleep. And exactly the first thing on my mind when I woke up. Damn that feeling!
Harap-harap cemas, a little bright light seen from the dark. At least sedikit terhibur lah, meskipun belum ada kepastian juga. Klo cahaya kecil itu bener-bener nyata… ^^ I’m gonna damn really happy!!!
My parents relationships been better lately, meskipun bokap masih rada sensi sama nyokab. Hmm, it can’t be helped, my Mom took the wrong decision, even she admit her fault, the problems remains there. Waiting to be settled. And every part of the family member has to be involved. I wish I could help more. But I guess its the best I can do.
Kerjaanku sebenernya banyak, tapi entah kenapa kok kebiasaan mbulet gak jelas ini sulit banget diilangin, apa karena aku yg perfeksionis, jadi klo ada sedikit ketidaknyamanan, rasanya males banget ngapa-ngapain.. I guess not, I’ve been on this situation, but I managed to go through all of this. Apa mungkin karena perasaanku ae sing gak jelas ?!?
Duh, keknya emang gak isa dipungkiri klo perasaanku saat ini bener-bener ngaruh ke kinerjaku. Am I not professional enough? no, to be honest, justru kerjaanku lah yang selama ini ngebantuin buat sekedar forget the problem for a moment. Am I running away?
Kemaren, salah seorang temen bilang klo aku terlalu idealis, terlalu workaholic, yang ujung-ujungnya… I have nothing left on my side… am I?
Anyway, who.. what did I have ? what I loose?
